I need to die


This is the perfect time to end it. The perfect feelings and emotions. The perfect reason and place.

I dont want another day, Lord.

But Im terribly afraid to end it myself.

What more can I prove my worthless self so that you can take back this life.

For the 100th time, I failed again.

I try. I always try to bring back myself to rise and accomplish things. Im so desparate to the point to the point that my mind cant make me even sleep.

Ive let go of so many opportunities because of my fucking depression.

I look at myself at the mirror and I swear, Im the worst person in the entire universe.

4:07 am

Today, the attacks of my depression and anxiety is on its worst peak again. Its unbearable. I cant breathe. I cant stop crying.

It suddenly hits me that the days are running fast and Im fucking still alive and I have to live this goddamn life for the rest of the days, or years to come because of my cowardness to end it.

Im tired feeling all of these hopelessness and helplessness.

Im tired of seeing her suffer because of me

Im tired of suffering because of me

Im tired of being a burden

Im tired of always being blamed

Im tired of having to get my shit together and LIVE

I dont want to.